Heightened Senses

Hello. I'm Imraan. This is my attempt at a productive silence.

Category: Uncategorized

May you all know a love like this.

I went to grief counseling today – it was really interesting (for lack of a better word)- the Deacon said that I talk like his clients who have been married for 68 years – when it is a profound love, your life partner, I guess it doesn’t matter how long it has been you were married.

He said we spoke exactly alike, that the mutuality of our compassion and love for one-another was such that I think even he was taken by surprise, presumably given that he counsels people who were blessed to have a marriage last longer.

Isra and I had a lifetime together in our two years’ married; every loving gaze of her eyes was a glimpse into the oceans of Eternity.

Whilst she has been gone for over seven months now, or rather, is further along on her route towards her Lord (S), the grief is getting harder. Not because you know she’s not returning, but her absence is a weighty presence in and of itself.

Am I getting closer to knowing a truer Love when, on a good day, almost everything reminds me of her, or what she represents to me? I think of her in those moments as a sort of avatar for Love Incarnate. My tears are less bitter now, more sweet actually; and my sobs – ugly to the outside and perhaps heartbreaking even – are so utterly drowned with love that I’m able to contemplate a little bit at least about True Love, even as these sobs are ongoing and in the spaces between the deep breaths that need to be taken. In those negative spaces, I hold back waiting to breathe in, wondering if this is the means to the Beauty about which I’ve so-desperately longed to know.

What is time, when in the arms of your beloved?

Isra, my angel… I love you still. Always. Thank you for letting me love you. Love survives death, and in a way you are more alive to me now than I could ever think of realising. So thank you for loving me back. Even now. Always.

“Grief is the price we pay for love”

Whilst it’s erroneously attributed from everyone from Mawlana Rumi to Queen Elizabeth II, the quote above strikes me as true.

As an FYI, as it were, my wife passed away, after an unexpected illness, on our second wedding anniversary this past March. I miss her so utterly that my sinews, bones and the rest ache from grief, not merely because I found that she left me on her voyage towards the Sublime (S) Reality, bit that the sort of death which she experienced was nothing short of the Divine Outpur of Grace.

My beloved Isra died with my having recited the final testaments of faith over her, and given that we are Shi’is, as my one hand was desperately feeling for a pulse whilst she held my other, tightly, I recited ‘wa ashhadu ‘anna ‘Aliyyun waliyy Allah, wa wasiyy Rasulihi ‘ and just then, her heart sped up and then just stopped. Within a minute it was all over and I lament my spiritual impoverishment – I could not see what soul had left her, nor what it was to see her breathing at one moment and stop the next, asking – what left her?

What a state of desolation must I be in that I cannot fathom, and I mean that in terms of the firmly shut eyes of my heart, that I cannot ‘see’ that reality. What veils have overcome so-many of us that we cannot see that the sleep in which her body entered was the most profound of awakenings, where the veils that keep us from realising the Divine Beauty and Majesty, i.e. His Utter Unicity and Unity (S) are lifted finally.

Not for my Isra, al-hamdu li’Llah. She died an utter monotheist. In one of two of our final conversations, on the Monday before she passed, she asked me, after receiving a terminal diagnosis: “Imraan, what is this life?” To which I replied, “Go on, my love”…

“We come here…we suffer, work and then we go away.”

To which I replied, “sometimes I think of it as a waiting room, where we hope what comes next is more brilliant and glorious than we could imagine!” To which she replied: “So what is so wrong we me returning to my Lord?”

“These nurses…(she pointed to the staff in the ICU)…what can they do…they have no power….I have left everything in Allah’s Hands,” she said to me as if it was the most easily spoken sentences. We spoke a bit, I asked her how she felt knowing that she had at best months ahead. And truly, within minutes my eyes were swollen with tears. Isra said that she had no fear of dying, and that maybe as it was happening, she might be afraid, but other than that she said she was ready, and that she had recognised her entire reliance upon the Sublime. She asked me “why are you crying, my love?”

“Because you are my hero, hayati”

To Quench the Thirst of the Gnostics…

Repeat to me the mention of His Names,
And polish hearts with His light and brilliance,
And fill the glasses for the souls,
For they are yearning to drink.
A Name from which the universe took its light,
On earth, sea and sky;
The minds of men are dazzled by its qualities,
The hearts of men are brightened by its light.
When its majesty is revealed to hearts,
They sense the mystery of its glory and brilliance.
The hearts of the righteous are glad to be near it;
It takes them up to its highest heights.
The repetition of His Name,
Is the dearest of His blessings to the gnostics.

Found in: Ibn ‘Aṭā’ Allāh al-Iskandarī, (trans. Khalid Williams), The Pure Intention: On Knowledge of the Unique Name, (The Islamic Texts Society: Cambrdige, 2018), 59.

Misunderstanding the Nature of the World

From the point of view of the Divine Reality, there is no evil because there is nothing to be separated from the Source of the Good, but for human beings living in the domain of relativity, evil is as real as that domain, although creation in its ontological reality is good since it comes from God. This is demonstrated by the overwhelming beauty of the natural order. That is why both the Bible and the Quran assert the goodness of His creation and the fact that goodness always predominates ultimately over evil. Furthermore, the infernal, purgatorial, and paradisal states are real although located in the domain of relativity but each with very different characteristics. The problem of evil becomes intractable when we absolutize the relative and fail to distinguish between the existential reality of a thing, which comes from the Act of Being, and its ” apparent” separative existence. To speak of a world without evil is to fail to understand what the world is and to confuse the Absolute and the relative, the Essence and it’s veils, or to use the language of Hinduism, Atman and māyā

Seyyed Hossein Nasr, The Garden of Truth: The Vision and Promise of Sufism, Islam’s Mystical Tradition, 55

Key to Salvation

Shaykh Abu’l ‘Abbas al-Mursi, a master of the Shadhili path, said to the young Ibn ‘Ata’ Allah – who then also became a realised master – on their second encounter:

There are four states of the servant, not five: blessings, trials, obedience, and disobedience. If you are blessed, then what God requires of you is thankfulness. If you are tried, then what God requires of you is patience. If you are obedient, then what God requires of you is the witnessing of His blessings upon you. If you are disobedient, then what God requires of you is asking forgiveness.

May we learn to appropriately act in relation to all of God’s Self-disclosure upon us, in every dimension of manifestation.

Love-Lover-Beloved

https://wp.me/p9pusb-eC

This is most definitely worth reading, and to savour.

Barzakh: the living realm of the dead

From, “A Mercy Case” and an excellent summary.

Hope to move…

This past month has been absolutely treacherous in terms of my health; a scare about a damaged liver, not being able to eat food, and something strange happening neuro-chemically that amounted to night-terrors, severe panic attacks to the point I couldn’t be left alone – apparently due to my liver not detoxifying sufficiently –  and of course, pain.

Now, in the midst of this, I receive a letter. I had more or less forgotten about sending a thank-you note to an ER doctor last year who kept an eye on me as I was struggling to breathe due to pain, and I not long ago received his reply. I truly don’t feel I wield any kind of power as such, nor the ability to transform a life. But, in this state of profound difficulty as I’ve been panicking over worse news, or contemplating my mortality, I receive a response from that kind doctor. He wasn’t able to do much for me that day, but he patiently listened, empathised, and treated me with a profound degree of respect.

If I’ve learnt anything… it’s that if possible, spread a kind word when you can. I didn’t think I’d share this letter, but I think it found me at a time when I needed to read it as much as mine did my doctor. So I transcribe parts of it to serve as an example.

“Dear Imraan,

“Your letter brought tears to my eyes. It reached me at a time that I was losing faith in people and this career.

“You have motivated me to not give up, and that I can make a difference in people’s lives.

“I have never received such a heartfelt message from my patients.

“I was on holiday with my now fiancé when I received your letter, it made it an even more special moment.

“…I do remember you. I hope you’re doing well and I’m sorry for all the difficulties you are going through. Hang in there.

“Thank you Imraan.

“I cannot put into words how much your kind words have impacted me.

“Your message will always stay with me and keep me going.

“Best wishes, “

Subsistence in God

“The final point of the Tarīq (Path) is that your own being, and even your Nafs, reminds you more of Allāh than it reminds you of itself. In other words, al-baqā’ billāh (Subsistence through Allāh). You find your true identity. You are not just some human being that lives at such-and-such an address, but you find your true identity as an Aya (sign) of the Ayāt (signs) of Allāh. An ‘aya’ means something that signifies something beyond itself, it ‘tells’ something. What does it tell, what does it direct you too? Allāh.” –

Sh. Nūh Keller.

London Review of Books – Shared Article ‘Ella George: Purges and Paranoia’

I’m reading Ella George: Purges and Paranoia via the London Review of Books app https://www.lrb.co.uk/v40/n10/contents